ryu's Xanga

Suffer

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:30:12 GMT

I heard about what you're going through. Well I am going through worse..I promise you. If the world could feel what has been happening, what lies beneath since early this year...I don't think the world could handle that. It is amazing that I spend everyday with a smile on and still make things happen, even when internally there is so much going on. Small lights appear to guide the way and quickly fade out, before they can make any difference, it's just me carrying forward...I am the only thing pulling me forward. Struggling to make it through another hour, another day, another week, another month, another semester. It comes at me like tidal waves, every time I manage to get through one wave, a new one appears to bring me back down, and even though I always feel like I'm drowning, my nose stays just barely above the water, breathing and gasping to make it through it all.

Even though my arms are tired though, my eyes are closing, my mind is drawing a blank, my lungs are giving way, I keep pushing, not even sure if I am going to make it tomorrow, but swimming forward.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:39:32 GMT

I wish I had the attitude I have today at the beginning of 2009. I would have gotten much farther. I am glad that I have developed these qualities though. Leadership qualities, the will to never give up even when things are going really bad, that kind of thing. I want to keep a written journal. We'll see how that works out.

Losing All My Blues

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:54:57 GMT

I'm happy.

I'm working towards a new life and everyday I see just a little bit more of it and it makes me happy that I can do that. I have control over my destiny.

Jon's awesome 21st.

Lately I keep running into people from my past, it's pretty weird. All those things of the past, some things carry on and other things are just buried under all the rest of the stuff that has come along.

It's really interesting when people take a path you almost walked on and then you see who they are...it just makes you think...that could be me. You know? Not in a regretful way, just a pondering way.

My new ading!

My awesome E-Board and Ading.

Some foreign-exchanged students and Japanese V students.

Korean Foreign-Exchanged Students

I'm feeling more secure in just myself and I think I'll be alright. I don't feel so alone. It's great meeting new people...you never know what just one person might bring to your life.

I still miss them, but I think by now it's pretty much just do what you can and keep on moving because it's all you can do. I try my best and it's all I can offer, unfortunately for some of them maybe it's not enough.

My schedule is pretty whack! Everyday is booked and I feel like I'm on a train getting off stop after stop. I wonder how a busy CEO must feel to have his entire day booked.

That's pretty much the only update I'm offering right now. Time to sleep and hit the gym tomorrow morning!

You're Becoming Farther

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:44:32 GMT

I just want everything to feel alright. I want to feel like I'm accomplishing lots of things and not just living day by day.

I miss working out. The results of working out is really one of the best feelings. You know you're working towards something. I started a Japanese Club because I am personally interested in their culture and would like to meet people who are also interested in it. Taking the class is mostly just an exploration into the language, not the culture. Lots of people are interested, but not many people are in a position to lead it so I went ahead and accepted the position as President. I have my work cut out for sure. If it succeeds though, I'll be pretty happy.

My Adobe Photoshop skills are improving. This a flyer for the month of October's events:

Anyway, I'm learning how to start-up a club and that's pretty exciting. I'll keep you guys updated on how that goes for me.

USF vs. FSU

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 04:10:38 GMT

Journey to the East 2009

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:50:22 GMT

It was a great week & night last night :)

The Living and the Dead

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:37:58 GMT

The world keeps spinning.

Seemingly endlessly.

I am reaching that stage where lots of things feel long gone.

And yet there is so much ahead.

Some days I want to just lie back on the leather couches at home, and think about the days long gone.

However, I rarely ever get to sit back these days.

The days are just passing me by.

Sunrise becomes sunsets before I can blink.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:54:52 GMT

School starts on Monday.

School starts on Monday.

School starts on Monday.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 05:58:31 GMT

I have this friend who is really involved in a ton of things. This friend is really focused in their career, academics, self-improvement, helping communities, and so much more. It is really admirable and makes me wish I did more. So I will. I will look at this person like a role model and make more of myself. To know that I want to make some kind of difference, it's something that I look forward to doing someday. Sure, I am a poor college student with tons of flaws but I want to make use with what I have, where I am, how I am. So enough of wondering about what that things are like and time to go find out. Still so many questions to answer. =]

It's so funny how you can be so mad at your family and then suddenly just change your mind so quickly. I guess that is just how family is. You're never perfectly content or discontent, just constantly on a spring going back and forth between the too. Today was good day for family.

I have decided I am not going to delete any more posts. It is what it is. Maybe my posts are not super witty or insightful, but they are still my posts. Maybe I am not super personal because I have felt that I can't publicly be anymore, but I still...these are my thoughts.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:01:20 GMT

I read this on someones Facebook.

IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY:
To apologize,
To begin over,
To admit error,
To be unselfish,
To take advice,
To be charitable,
To be considerate,
To keep on trying,
To profit by mistakes,
To forgive and forget,
To think and then act,
To shoulder a deserved blame;
BUT IT ALWAYS PAYS.

I won't stop trying.